I’m still wandering to what magnitude do and if ppl do understand the effect they have on ppl. The 3 men that raped me when I was 13 have an effect on me to this day and I’m 27. My mother called me an ingrate at the age of 8 and it still effects me today to the point that I make sure I go out of my way to show my thanks and appreciation for what people do for me. This morning I had a breakdown to my boyfriend because one of my exs said something to me over 5 years ago that effected me today- fortunately my boyfriend of today and forever was there to pick me up and assure me that my ex was incorrect and he made me feel better or shall I say- he showed me the reality of what my stupid thinking was…
Today was visit at the psychiatrist office – nice fuckin office I say to myself going on. She’s my new dr but every time we met in another room with a resident. Now if I judged a book by its cover I’d say she was just there for the $$$ hence the sweet ass office- but damn I have a good dr. Got some meds adjusted-…. sucks. I have to sit out on a nice little thing these next couple of days but it’s in my best interest… and not to be a Debbie downer if anyone were to be coming.
So today was something lite but something heavy at the same time, had awesome time and talk with my boyfriend, productive day. But this is the mind of Cindy Shuuu so I must say, I have been purposely not hitting up certain friends to see if I even get noticed that I haven’t been in their fuckn lives… it hasn’t bothered me at all though because I’m loving focusing on myself… also , I no longer think I’m dying, I think I just have a awesome pet.
I think that taking each hour by the hour is really helping me a lot. I feel so selfless when I am with my family. The little ones , I’m really looking forward to this adjustment in meds.
I have an old friend I don’t speak to anymore cause their dumb ass got caught doin dirty and I told them to stop but they got caught up, I just pray they don’t use drugs over it and die. Other than that , I really just have to be selfish right now cause I’m in a really fragile spot in my life and like I’ve stated In another blog, no fucking body is going thru my life for me but me- and fortunately I have family support. Point being is I gotta do me!