So today – complete and utterly not how I wanted it to go. It started how I wanted it to- I got a text from my boyfriend, woke up early, had breakfast, was excited and anxious about my morning/afternoon at wellness center- then a fkn flow. I ultimately made it to my mindfulness group and it was like ripping bandaids off wounds one after another after another after another…. I could barely keep composure but I did not cry during the group. A lot of the topic for today’s group was about worry and also being listened to and communicating in relationships and I just felt horrible. Like thinking of my relationship and listening to other people and them have the same problem n stuff it just made me feel very low. It got me sad cause there was this lady who was talking who said she really try’s to listen but you can tell by body language and how a person looks wether they are listening or interested and I felt like I had egg all over my face … like I knew I wasn’t going crazy. Body language can say a lot about a person. So I’m at the point in my day where I’m just feeling low. The group touch on a lot of topics that hurt.
I truly wish that people understood me, maybe took the time to listen and respond instead of react. I hated today’s group because it had to do with a lot of problems I already have and I did not expect that- I mean I really didn’t know what the fuck to expect… I’m like really trying to move on with my day and give myself credit for not walking out that room and saying fuck this I’m not doing this damn group. Maybe I am strong cause I face my problems instead of sweeping them under the carpet or lying to ppl n telling them I’m ok now when I’m not. Im not a coward. But I damn sure don’t wanna talk about it all day.